For Lynne.

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I feel the support of the universe

Like a hand on the back of my heart

I relinquish control

Understanding though I can do my part

I can do nothing more

I no longer succumb myself to searching, reaching, clawing, crawling

To sway things in my favour

For I know this is God's work 

Not mine

And I know life to be nothing more than one blissful heartbreak

A beautiful lesson

Of sacred mundane

I let go my rigid mindset

My need to dictate

To control 

Make sense or

Or lead

I find solace in breath 

I revere this great gift

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I long not for the riches of this oppressive patriarch

No monetary wealth will fulfill me

I aspire instead to lead a heart centered life

Where abundance is but a byproduct of alignment and flow

My life shall be a love affair 

Perhaps with a man

But most certainly with nature

Kisses come as drops of rain on my cheek

The strength of the Earth is my support 

I need not live lavishly

I move lightly in spirit

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My mental wellness

Is a balance 

Between

Looking in 

And living out

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Closure

Is singing along

And arriving at the third verse

Before you realize

It's his favourite song

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Amidst discomfort

Amongst uncertainty and unknown 

Having given up the stability
That so paralyzed passion and creativity

I let go

I still do not know what for 

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I would be lying if I said I am not scared

It is in these moments

That I choose discomfort

I choose it again and again and again 

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Fear is not my enemy; Stagnation on the other hand

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Here's to the quiet moments

The total surrender into this space

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Heres to the uncomfortable, uneasy, in-between 

For in this moment 

This is where my soul resides 
 

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Vulnerability

It is easier to retract or numb or escape somehow

Instead I choose to dwell in unease

I don't care to preach gratitude, self love, or self care

Without allowing the darkness to speak it's own truth
The ongoing accountability and accompanying pain

Make me question the sanity of this path 

But I can't go back 

And I won't run to my vices

For avoidance exhausts itself more quickly each time
 

I run to the water

I sit at its edge and I weep 

I choose to feel into those places

The ones I learned to avoid:

The raw, the sharp, the tight

They become softer

As I nurture them

I allow them to breathe

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I whisper: 

'I see you

I know you

I've got you

I love you'

I've still got a lot of unlearning to do 

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I fall out of love 

Many times each day 

I pick myself up 

And climb back in 

Some days the journey is slow

Others not at all 

Evermore I return 

To dwell in the space of my heart

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For how few she said to him

He could never have known

Her love for words

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I am aware 

Through each ugly detail 

I envy her soul 

Her song is her strength

She has risen

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Me

I am starved of soul

Fragile and scared

I reconcile as I work 

Cynicism is lazy

I hold hope

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It was a day 

  Visited by many faces

Some unfamiliar

The ones I forgot

I think of Rumi

My guesthouse is full 

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Brave defiance 

Against old stories

I practice each day

To write me anew

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I watch thoughts

Accelerate and spiral

It is no easy feat

To rewire one's mind

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Slow down dear friend

It may be dark do not fright

One must walk through the shadow

To play in the light

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When he arrives

Let him do so wholly

Flowers pour from his chest

Tender moonlight in his eye

The strength of his softness

Masculine magnificence 

Please, God

Let him be home

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